sturmbahnfuhrer: (Well hey there)
[personal profile] sturmbahnfuhrer
[Hey Mayfield. Have some mad giggling. This week? Has just been an utter blast on the Major's end. It takes him a moment before he can compose himself and begin to speak.]

My friends, it has certainly been a trying time this week, has it not? And now, with so many of our fellow citizens deceased [God, he tries so hard to not let his smile slip through into his voice]...well. Desperation can be easy to fall in to.

I suggest, then, that we take a moment to resolve ourselves! Perhaps, in fact, through a bit of prayer.

[And for a moment, the Major is silent, before falling into mock reverence.]


Our Father
Who stagnates in Heaven
Hollow be thy name
Thy kingdom's gone
Thy will run dry
Impotent on Earth as in Heaven
And you've given us not our daily bread this day
but trespassed against us
and so we shall trespass against you
for you've given us naught but temptation
and driven us to evil
forever and ever

AMEN.

Date: 2011-10-30 04:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uranophobe.livejournal.com
Wonderful little poem. Write it all by yourself, did you?

[I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DICKOFF, GOOD SIR]

Date: 2011-10-30 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Indeed I did.

Would you like a copy?

Date: 2011-10-30 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uranophobe.livejournal.com
No, thank you. I find all religion distasteful, personally. Even satire.

You seem like a very interesting person. [Which is Cranespeak for "I am going to crack your mind like a walnut.]

Date: 2011-10-30 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
My! I certainly apologize for offending your secular sensibilities!

As do you! I'm not quite sure we've spoken before friend. I am known as the Major. And you are?

[He accepts your challenge, Crane.]

Date: 2011-10-30 05:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uranophobe.livejournal.com
Oh, no need to apologize at all, sir. [bless your heart]

[He pauses for a moment, seeming to consider something. He has a feeling that this could end up being a more... professional phone call, one day.] And I am known as the Scarecrow.

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Darn it, could...not...resist. /phail

Date: 2011-10-30 04:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hardhat-truckie.livejournal.com
...I don't see what's so funny about the whole week, stranger. And the Lord's Prayer don't go like that either.

Date: 2011-10-30 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Perhaps you just don't have the eye for it then.

I know. I must admit, I always found the original a bit drab.

Date: 2011-10-30 04:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hardhat-truckie.livejournal.com
Yeah, maybe I don't.

Drab in what way, stranger?

Date: 2011-10-30 05:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
A pity! I feel quite distraught for all those who are unable to appreciate the entertainment and joy life brings.

In that it's an empty chorus of praise to a tyrant.

Date: 2011-10-30 05:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hardhat-truckie.livejournal.com
I'm sure we've all got our idea of what entertainment is. Though I'd like ta know how ya came up with that explanation of yours.

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Date: 2011-10-30 04:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dividesheaven.livejournal.com
You know, I've never been particularly religious, but even I remember that one to go somewhat differently.

Have a little respect. If you want to gloat, do it quietly in whatever hole you've crawled into.

Date: 2011-10-30 04:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Neither have I, friend. Perhaps I said it wrong!

One does not respect dust and dirt.

Date: 2011-10-30 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dividesheaven.livejournal.com
Very funny.

It's about respect for humanity and belief, no matter how much someone might disagree with that belief. Religion and its followers have had enough impact on the world, both positive and negative, to deserve some kind of recognition. If you can't see that, you're a fool.

Anyway, perhaps I just got it wrong, because I didn't quite see the point of that very creatively done recitation. Please enlighten me.
Edited Date: 2011-10-30 05:08 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-10-30 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Ah, but you see I do have respect! I do give it recognition. Must my recognition be the same as all others for it.

Why, I simply thought I would help the town come to prayer. Of course, perhaps I made a mistake, as I've yet to hear from anyone religious here. Perhaps they're wiser than I give them credit for.

Date: 2011-10-30 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dividesheaven.livejournal.com
[A fool and a smartass. Here goes the eyerolling.]

Help the town come to prayer, huh. That's the job of a priest who actually knows what he's doing, and wouldn't make any mistakes whatsoever, nor would he have reason to doubt himself.

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Date: 2011-10-30 05:00 pm (UTC)
expiatrice: ({vii} begone.)
From: [personal profile] expiatrice
How insipid. Sloth is a Cardinal Sin the same as Wrath and Pride, one may recall. Your idleness is highly impertinent.

Date: 2011-10-30 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Now now Fraulein, there's a difference between idleness and patience.

That you cannot see what I'm waiting for does not mean it isn't coming.

Date: 2011-10-30 06:24 pm (UTC)
expiatrice: ({vii} futility.)
From: [personal profile] expiatrice
This town is being as it always had. What's occurring this week is simply a grossly exaggerated take of the horror movie genre born from this era. Citizens have been forced to participate and reenact numerous clich├ęs belonging to the genre, but this joke should cease once November comes.

As for your crude mockery of Christian faith, it is not unexpected nor unusual for a sociopath to condemn traditional conventions and preach doomsday prophecies publicly. You are not the first, nor will you be the last. Why you've chosen to do this now doesn't matter. A man who speaks nothing of worth lacks the relevance to be heard, hence this is a waste for all who come across him, as well as for himself. You wait for naught, herr.

Date: 2011-10-30 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
[Just laughter at first.]

And yet there is no one more evil, no one more like a sociopath, then your God. Someone who is documented as using his influence to make whole nations themselves commit evil, and then punishing them for it despite himself being the one to command it. A merciless murderer of men and women and most especially children, who hates every single one of his creations and only looks at them for blind praise when he cannot receive it from those who abide in his kingdom. And certainly, certainly there has been no organization more responsible for the proliferation of evil, for mindless slaughter and murder, than the Church!

The evil of your God puts to shame and makes himself the envy of your Devil.

And how funny, to say those who say nothing don't deserve to be heard. I'll make sure to apply that to your own statements, girl.

Date: 2011-11-02 04:40 am (UTC)
expiatrice: (Default)
From: [personal profile] expiatrice
[Hm, an inopportune crossroad.

Whiteknight for her faith when she personally is part of the most heretical branch of the Church and practices loose and selective abiding of the teachings, having never been properly schooled herself nor really being a stickler for its more radical principles. Or acknowledge its hypocrisy that she's all too full well aware of - but to a man who would delight in nothing more than see the entire concept fall apart.

Neither is particularly compelling. Might as well twist words and muddy meanings up a little.]


So you would fault God to be the source of All Evils of The World? [...A faint scoff, though she does make note of his flair for dramatics. A load of rubbish, but still a compelling speech. Charisma is a key element in the power of leading and misleading men, after all.] God is a guide, not a convenient excuse for man to dump all their problems on. It seems that your opinion of the Lord is quite set, however, so it would be a waste of time to continue a conversation focused on His significance. If that is not so, do please say it, but otherwise, this approach will lead to nowhere. What are the roles and responsibilities of man, on the other hand? If you would so vehemently accuse Him of all that is unjust and sinful, you would nevertheless also be acknowledging His power, detracting worth from man's freedom, and his ability to choose his own actions. ...Or do you simply enjoy re-balancing the scale of belief, to achieve stronger rhetorics?
Edited Date: 2011-11-02 04:44 am (UTC)

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(Sorry for coming in on this late if its okay)

Date: 2011-11-07 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaws5sonofjaws.livejournal.com
Man, you just love pissing people off, doncha?

And just for the record: there is a God.

My Dad's living proof.

Date: 2011-11-08 05:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Oh. I know there's a God.

He's simple doesn't give a damn about the creatures He made, beyond amusement.

Date: 2011-11-08 06:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaws5sonofjaws.livejournal.com
For once...

I kinda agree with you, you fat fascist fucktard.

I am not gonna end up somebody's End Of The World Brunch Special.

Date: 2011-11-08 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sturmbahnfurher.livejournal.com
Indeed. If God cared once, He long since ceased doing so. He's a petulant child, looking for amusement and affection, and because He has no greater power to turn to, He made himself some toys to ease his boredom and his loneliness.

And He made the mistake of giving them free will, believing that once they could reason for themselves they would still praise Him, love Him, adore Him. But instead, they found themselves...bored with Him. Disillusioned, as He continued to show his pettiness.

And so, God created the notion of sin, and has been using that to correct the mistake of free will and force love ever since.

Date: 2011-11-08 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaws5sonofjaws.livejournal.com
Bottom line.

He can be kind of a dick.

I don't even know why my dad still respects him... just because he made the Universe and shit doesn't give himt he right to have us die just to fullfil a stupid ass prophecy.

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The Major

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